Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Thoughts on marriage after 15 years…

1. Marriage is a choice. You don’t make that choice once. Rather, you make it everyday, possibly every hour.

2. Ultimately, marriage is about community: sharing space; trying to find consensus; listening for understanding; push and pull.

3. Varied philosophy on parenting, spirituality, change, time, and transition can both strengthen and hurt us.

4. I am sometimes cruel, and you forgive me anyway.

5. I sometimes think you are funny, even when I don’t laugh out loud.

6. We both need encouraging words, opportunities for change, development of self, hope, grace, security, and empathy.

7. Marriage has rhythm; habitual patterns of behavior that are sometimes a blessing, and sometimes a curse.

8. There are sacrifices: yours and mine.

9. Laughter heals.

10. Sensory experiences enhance love (music, beautiful landscapes, savory foods, a gentle touch).

11. Love grows. On December 30, 1994, I did not think I could love anyone or anything more. I was wrong.

12. I sometimes don’t think it is funny, even when I do laugh out loud.

13. When we commit to marriage, we commit to changing ourselves and our understandings of the world; seeing them through the lens of another.

14. Six months of dating is not enough to know someone completely. Fifteen years is still just a beginning.

15. It is a gift to be able to go to sleep and wake up with a loved one. I will not take this for granted.


  1. Ah Jen... this made my eyes leak. Happy day to you both... to you all.

  2. still impressed with your wisdom. good work, you two! the fruits of your labor are sweet.

  3. I remember your wedding so an impressionable high schooler it expanded my idea of what was possible...I'm going to print this list out...we just celebrated our 9th (on the 29th), and I appreciate your widsom...

  4. Happy Anniversary!

    I'm mindful that your birthday is coming up, Jen. Is it the 3rd of January?


  5. oh, i love this.

    especially numbers 5 and 12.

  6. Beautiful and wise. Thank you! Happy Anniversary!

  7. oh my oh my. Well said. My eyes are leaking, too.